O my soul,

How are you finding being alone?

Despite all your efforts to journey with others, to reach out, to care and protect, to invite others in, to share reciprocally even the most private and painful aspects of yours and others’ situations, ultimately to love just as Jesus commanded, are you not still heart-breakingly lonely?

You have evidently experienced that it is not good to be alone.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

― Genesis 2:18

Of course this verse is about marriage⸺marriage that was God’s good and perfect gift to that first lonely man. Marriage that parallels the holy union between Christ and his beloved church. A beautiful gift. But like every other good and perfect gift from our Heavenly Father, one that has been spoiled and corrupted and taken out of its proper place and made an ultimate thing by our sinful generation.

For it is not an ultimate thing.

And Jesus said to them, “The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage, but those who are considered worthy to attain to that age and to the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage, for they cannot die anymore, because they are equal to angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.”

― Luke 20:34-36

Marriage is a temporary gift for those journeying through this lonely world, not an eternal one. And the Apostle Paul provides a perspective which many have overlooked.

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

― 1 Corinthians 7:6-9

As we read Paul’s letters, do we not find him to be richly relational, a man steeped in love one another? And this found in a single man!

Humankind was created for relationship, and marriage is just one outworking of that, but nevertheless one which has dominated and to some extent spoiled other outworkings.

For Solomon’s word of wisdom often quoted in the context of marriage is not in fact about marriage at all.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

― Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

The word fellow here means companion or associate. There is not a even a hint that it means spouse. Has this word of wisdom in fact been misappropriated by the married?

And notice how our understanding of the riches of relationship in its wider context is impoverished by such a reinterpretation. O my soul, reinstate this wonderful verse into its proper place of relationship in general, and of Christian love and friendship and commitment in particular.

But surely you’ve noticed that loneliness is not the preserve of the single. How painfully and utterly alone one can be even in a marriage⸺and is that not a hundred times worse?

So know that you are not alone in being alone.

But notice also this.

And after [Jesus] had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.

― Matthew 14:23

Jesus was there alone, and not only was this ok, it was in fact a critical part of his rich and full relationship with his Heavenly Father. He was often alone but never, at least not until his final hours, was he lonely.

But the one who came to show us wholeness in relationship did in fact spend so much of his time in close fellowship with his disciples. For human friendship is necessary for life and health and strength. Shame on any who draw back from friendship outside of their own marriages, excusing themselves with the platitude that Jesus is all the single people need, for the Father does not agree.

After all, Adam originally enjoyed full access to God in the coolness of the garden, and what did God have to say about that?

The LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.”

― Genesis 2:18a

So human friendship is vital and life-giving, and what we were all created for.

And so what exactly is loneliness, and how is it different from being alone?

Isn’t loneliness about isolation? Isn’t it a sign of insufficient or insufficiently rich relationship? And isn’t this in fact a failure of each one of us to live out Jesus’ new commandment?

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.”

― John 13:34

That loneliness is found even within the church shames us all. For ultimately the gospel is about relationship⸺restoration of our broken relationship with the Father, and restoration and healing in our relationships with one another. This is the entirety of the gospel, surely!

And in our broken world, loneliness is the pandemic of our time. What a mission field! What more does each lost soul crave but to be loved? So how can love not be our response? How can it not be my response? How can it not be the fulfillment of the Great Commission?

“Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

― John 13:34b-35

It is love one another which is the barometer of discipleship.

So cry out to the Lord with the psalmist for deliverance from loneliness.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.

― Psalm 25:16

And above all, love one another!

And also, you are not alone. You have faithful and kind friends. Cherish them! And be thankful, even if you find yourself living on the crumbs of relationship that fall from the table of those who have been richly and relationally blessed. Be thankful for crumbs!

Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!

― Psalm 34:3

O my soul, magnify the Lord from your place of heartbreak, together with your friends, and above all, love one another! 🙏