O my soul,
How long does it take to get from clinging on in the dust despairing of life itself to running in the path of the Lord’s commandments having had one’s heart set free?
Of course the answer is seven verses. Seven.
My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word! When I told of my ways, you answered me; teach me your statutes! Make me understand the way of your precepts, and I will meditate on your wondrous works. My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word! Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law! I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me. I cling to your testimonies, O LORD; let me not be put to shame! I will run in the way of your commandments for you set my heart free!
― Psalm 119:25-32
In truth that last verse is in the future tense, and the mainline translation is “when you enlarge my heart”. We’ll come to that.
But what is going on here that leads to such a turnaround?
My soul melts away for sorrow. Do you know what that is like? To live with such vulnerability in that place right on the edge of crumpling into a heap and sobbing uncontrollably? The place of clinging on when all strength is gone? The place of crying out for life itself?
There are some heart-cries here for the Lord to act with compassion and great power: Give me life according to your word! Make me understand the way of your precepts! Strengthen me according to your word! Put false ways far from me! But these in and of themselves are not the turning point. The turning point comes next and it is this.
I have chosen the way of faithfulness.
― Psalm 119:30a
This is the turning point. In weakness and in sorrow, clinging on in the dust, with courage and determination the psalmist chooses the way of faithfulness. Everything follows from this. O my soul, choose the way of faithfulness!
But what exactly is this way of faithfulness?
Firstly, let’s be clear about whose faithfulness this is. Recall the Lord’s introduction of himself to Moses.
Moses said to the LORD, “See, you say to me, ‘Bring up this people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. Yet you have said, ‘I know you by name, and you have also found favour in my sight.’ Now therefore, if I have found favour in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favour in your sight.”
Moses said, “Please show me your glory.”
― Exodus 33:12-13, 18
The LORD descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love to the thousandth generation, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”
― Exodus 34:5-7
This is the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
This way of faithfulness is the way of the Lord’s own faithfulness. So what does it mean to choose this way?
David knew.
Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the LORD without wavering. Prove me, O LORD, and try me; test my heart and my mind. For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness.
― Psalm 26:1-3
To choose the way of faithfulness and to walk in it is to trust in the Lord without wavering. It is to rely on him whatever else is happening, reminding oneself of his steadfast love. Prove me, O Lord, and try me. Know that I do not doubt you. I do not doubt your goodness and your mercy.
O my soul, what do you suppose is this proving? This trying? This testing?
It is to see beyond current circumstances with eyes of faith, beyond current suffering, to assert with the psalmist out of the darkest valley, out of the deepest sorrow, out of the most wrenching pain:
I know, O LORD, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
― Psalm 119:75
It is to assert confidence in the Lord’s faithfulness and to wait upon him, trusting and not doubting. Beyond the point of understanding, beyond the point of being able to see is where trust is tried, tested, and proven. And in this time of testing, this waiting time, it is to walk in one’s integrity, keeping covenant with the Holy One, surrendering all to him as an act of worship, perhaps in tears and bewilderment, but surrendering nonetheless.
And what must one do while walking in this way of faithfulness?
I set your rules before me.
― Psalm 119:30b
When your heart is breaking, set his rules before you and walk in them, and know this:
All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.
― Psalm 25:10
O my soul, be sure to keep his covenant and his testimonies!
And now what about that future tense of the running?
I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!
― Psalm 119:32
My heart is breaking and I simply lack the capacity for this. How can I endure this waiting time? My strength is almost gone. But the Lord himself enlarges my heart.
These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
― Romans 8:23-25 MSG
I will run, O my soul, I will! I will run in the way of his commandments, trusting and not doubting. I choose the way of faithfulness. I choose to trust the one whose name is Faithful and True.
O my soul, trust in the Lord with all your heart and choose the way of his steadfast love and faithfulness! 🙏